Some friends of mine from high school just had a baby Tuesday morning, and posted the absolutely adorable pictures today. I love looking at these pics because they take me back to those first few days of having Malcom. I know it was only about four months ago, but it seems longer and my memory is already fuzzy... I blame the lack of sleep on this. It seems I've had a lot of old friends that have had babies in the past six months... lets see.. I'm going to say around 9? No joke! And I think I'm forgetting some... it's hard to keep track.Here's my question- how on earth are these women popping out babies and still looking drop dead gorgeous right after?!?
When I had Malcom and I had finally gotten to my recovery room
(it was around 1am, so a few hours after he decided to make his debut), I had the opportunity to go to the bathroom. I remember waddling in there and seeing myself for the first time in all my post-baby, hospital gown glory: I had these swollen patches of blood-shot eyes, my clammy, pumpkin head was covered by matted and greasy hair, and I was swashing-bloated from head to toe. I swear my little fingers and toes looked like meaty pork sausages, and I felt so puffy that if you hurled me into the ocean I would float like a beach ball. I stopped dead in my tracks at the nasty site, and I thought, "What?! Did I die?" Surely, I had at least been run over by a garbage truck! I looked and felt like something out of a Tim Burton film, only grosser.You have to remember that I had done my best to look pretty. Earlier that morning, before going to the hospital to be induced, I had painted my toenails, showered, slathered myself with my favorite citrus-scented lotion, done my make up and blow dried my hair. I'll admit it, I looked foxy for a nine month pregnant lady.
Wow.
Are we allowed to use photoshop on these pictures? Are you bringing in professional lighting crews and make-up artists? The jig's up ladies, time to pass over the secret.
That completes my jealous rant on this subject. Thank you for tuning in.
(And a big o' fatty congrats to all the new(er) mamas and papas out there! You all really are gorgeous!)
Vicki, I have wondered what the secret was myself. I always look horrible afterward. Sometimes it's a comfort when I see a picture of someone in the hospital that looks as tired and worn out as I was at that point... Just remember we might not look all that great after giving birth but I think we have the genes to be pretty foxy in our old age. Rarrwwwww!
ReplyDeleteLOL!!!
ReplyDeleteI completely agree! I've heard of women putting on makeup after having the baby to look OK in pictures. I don't remember caring then, though I wish I would have. I just remember looking like a puffy, droopy, walking stretch mark. Sometimes I still avoid the mirror because of that memory. At least our husbands still think we're attractive!
ReplyDeleteHow did I not find your blog till now?! And you already have mine you little stinker:) I loved this post, you are hilarious!! I am so looking forward to keeping up with you guys on here:)
ReplyDeleteThe shorter/ less traumatic the labor, the better ones makeup ehem... "adheres".
ReplyDeleteI put makeup on before I gave birth to kayley, and I think it only made things worse. :)
Of course, I used the hospital "no-rinse" shampoo, too. Might as well have scrubbed bacon into my scalp. :)
I'll admit--I'm one of the cheaters who waited to have my picture taken until after I had washed my face and put on a little mascara. Although now I wish I hadn't. I wish I had a true picture of the first time I held my baby instead of a cheat shot. =D
ReplyDeleteyou make me giggle...the end!
ReplyDelete